Before I Die
by CrimsonVanna
Summary: Dan loves Phil. More than a friend. However, he feels it will ruin their friendship if Phil knew. To top it all off, Dan's depression often gets the best of him. So he self-harms constantly. Can he ever stop for the one he loves? Will Dan even survive? / Phan FanFic!
1. It Was Just One Cut

It was just one little cut. Somehow, that's how it all began. One day, all the stress and conflicted emotions became too much and he picked up a pair of scissors and locked himself in his room. Even he wasn't sure why he did it. But one little cut spiraled into dozens on his arms and legs. He wasn't proud of it. But it was something that was hard to give up. Whenever he felt angry at himself, sad or alone he picked up his razors and locked his room.

So here he was today. Hiding away from Phil in his bedroom and gliding a razor across his arm and pathetically crying his eyes out. He winced at the pain and quietly sobbed more, but he deserved it, right? He was horrible. He was disgusting, scarred, and just overall horrible. He wanted to be perfect. Mainly just for one person in his life. Phil.

In Dan's eyes, Phil was absolutely perfect. Dan had often thought of being more than best friends. But that would never happen. He was pretty sure Phil was straight and just mentioning that Dan was gay would cause things to be awkward between them. Dan had already lost his love for himself, if he lost his best friend; things would never be the same again.

A knock at the door snapped Dan out of his thoughts.

"Dan? I'm heading over to Starbucks. Do you want anything?" A heavenly voice called out.

Dan wanted to reply, but he was sure that his voice would shake. However if he didn't reply, Phil would worry. He cleared his throat, "U-Uh, no thanks, Phil," He called out, quickly grabbing some napkins to stop the bleeding.

"Dan? Are you alright?" Phil asked, trying to open the door. "Can I come in?" He asked, concern lacing his perfect voice.

Dan began panicking. He quickly stood up, grabbing a jumper and shutting off the lights. He pulled the jumper over his head and covered his scars and the newly made wounds. Before jumping to the door, he threw his blanket on the floor over the blood and razor.

"Dan?" Phil called out, now knocking on his door non-stop. In an instant, Dan unlocked the door and opened it slightly.

Phil took a peek inside, looking around in his room. Dan gave the best smile he could, "What? Did you think I murdered somebody?" Dan asked, giving a dry laugh. Phil cracked a slight smile, "Maybe. Why is it so dark in here, though?" He asked, looking at Dan.

_Damn it…What excuse should I use this time?_ Dan thought to himself. "Oh, I was taking a nap. You know how editing videos all day just wear me out!" He said, yawning. Phil looked very skeptical but nodded slightly, "Yeah. Are you sure you don't want anything from Starbucks?" Phil asked. Dan nodded.

The blue eyed boy sighed but nodded, "Alright. Text me if you change your mind!" Phil said before turning the other direction to leave. Dan waited until he heard the front door of the flat to close before he loudly sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Did I honestly just lie to the most extraordinary person ever? Did I really do that again?" He said softly to himself. _This is probably why I'm just so horrible._

He retreated back into his room and pulled the blanket off of the stain and bloodied razor. Dan frowned, knowing he'd have to spend a majority of his time scrubbing that out.

He picked up his razor from the carpet and rinsed it off in the bathroom sink. He then dug out a small box from his mattress. He had cut a hole in his mattress and used his sheets to cover the damage made to his bed. Dan stored his razor in the small box and put it back where it had been.

His eyes drifted back to the blood stain and he sighed. Without a second thought, he made his way to the kitchen sink and began to wet a cloth.

The sound of a door opening made Dan tense up. Phil wasn't supposed to be back yet! Dan dropped the cloth in the sink and ran to his room, locking it in the process.

Dan found himself having a mini-panic attack. After a few seconds, he realized Phil wouldn't come into his room unless Dan let him. Taking a few deep breaths and making sure the jumper he was wearing covered his cuts; he unlocked the door and walked out.

Dan's brown eyes met Phil's gorgeous eyes. "I thought you went out to get coffee?" Dan said, pulling a confused face.

Phil shook his head, "I was halfway down the lift when I changed my mind. I didn't really want coffee," He said, going to sit on the couch.

"Oh…Well, do you wanna play Sonic or something?" Dan asked, a real smile forming on his face. Anything he could do with Phil would make him happier, and Dan wanted to be happy.

"Oh, um, I'm sorry, Dan, but Amy is supposed to come over today…We were gonna hang out here," Phil said, frowning slightly. Dan felt his heart drop. "Oh."

_Amy. Of course Amy is coming over!_ Dan thought to himself, subconsciously rubbing his arm. It was obvious that Dan did not like Amy.

Phil sighed, "Dan, I'm sorry. I know you don't like Amy for whatever reason, but she's my girlfriend!" Phil twiddled this thumbs. This just made Dan feel worse.

Of course Phil would never love Dan; he's straight and he loves Amy. He loves Amy more than he'll ever love him. If Dan even mentioned that fact that he was gay, it would drive Phil away. It would drive him more to Amy.

Dan looked back up to Phil, "It's fine. I'll just…be in my room on the internet," Dan said, forming a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Phil frowned, "Okay…If you need anything, remember; Amy does like you and she wants you to like her. Coming out of your room wouldn't bother us at all." But Dan just nodded, brushing off the words.

"Yeah, yeah…I know." And with that, Dan walked back to his room, locking it. He was tired. Every day it was the thing. Dan would fall even more in love with Phil and then _Amy_ has to come along and completely crush his day.

Dan noticed the tears streaming down his face. _I can't blame Amy…Phil is perfect. Anyone who had a mind would want him…_ He vigorously wiped at the tears and jumped into his bed, curling up to cry.

His sadness deepened when he heard Amy come into the flat. Dan didn't want to hear Phil and her kissing. He didn't want to hear her.

He reached over to the side of his bed and pulled out the small box which held his answer to everything right now. A blood stained razor.

With shaky hands, he took it out and held it against his wrist. Without anymore hesitation, he carved a deep line into his skin. The pain was overwhelming but he deserved it. Dan did it again. Directly underneath the first deep cut.

He held in a whimper of pain. He started to feel himself get lightheaded. Good. He drowsily put the razor back into the box and hid it once more for today.

Dan could practically feel his eyes getting heavier. Darkness then overtook him.

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uhm hi ouo this is my first FanFic soooo yeah ouo;;  
This was inspired by the song Before I Die by Papa Roach hence the title~  
sooo leave a review either here or on my Tumblr~ (bringmetheslinkyferrets)


	2. A Different Dan

**Phil's POV**

I awoke to see Amy next to me in my bed. A smile slowly formed on my face. We didn't do anything; it was just a nice night of talking, laughing and watching films. It seemed they lost track of the time and Amy decided to stay here. It was nice. Amy was nice.

Still, I felt bad. Dan obviously dislikes Amy for whatever reason. I didn't quite understand it. Amy was a sweetie to Dan and in return, Dan completely ignores Amy. He had clearly been acting weird when I went to check on him. And his room looked like a complete mess. I sincerely was worried about him. This wasn't like Dan at all. And I missed Dan.

I took one last glance at Amy's sleeping form. In a way, she kind of looked like a female version of Dan. It was weird to me, but I chose not to question it.

Getting out of bed without waking Amy was the easiest thing to do. She was a heavy sleeper. I looked at myself in the wardrobe mirror, seeing that I still had the clothes I wore yesterday on. There was no point in changing, so instead I walked out of my room and towards Dan's room.

I leaned in, putting my ear to the door. Hearing nothing, I knocked on the door, "Dan? Are you awake? Can I come in?" I asked, awaiting an answer. Sure enough, there was no sound from Dan's room. I tried opening the door, but it was locked. I found myself frowning.

My focus on Dan's door was broken when I saw Amy come out of my room. I gave her a smile. "Good morning!" I enthusiastically said. She looked really tired, though. "Hey, um, I hope you don't mind but I am exhausted. I'm gonna head out," She said, smiling. I nodded, pulling her into a hug. "Well, alright. Be careful," I said. "Aren't I always," She responded, heading out of the hallway and out the door.

My attention almost immediately went back to Dan. I knocked a few times more and practically shouted his name multiple times.

**Dan's POV**

All I heard was faint pounding. Was I still alive? Of course I was. I slowly attempted to open my eyes. After a few trial and errors, I slowly opened them. However, I almost immediately regretted it. The sight before me was disgusting. There right in front of his face was his wrist. The cuts had stopped bleeding and crusted over. Now all that was left was a bloodied arm and sheets.

I drowsily sat up in my bed. I had felt weak and drained. Both emotionally and physically.

Once I began to focus on reality, I realized I had heard banging on my door. Blinking a few times to wake myself up, I figured it was Phil.

I slowly took off the jumper I had been wearing and threw it to the other side of the room, and in the process, I picked up a new jumper and pulled it over my head. Once I felt it was all okay to open the door, I did.

Sure enough, Phil was standing there, worry clouding his eyes. "Oh, thank goodness," He sighed in relief. "I thought you had died or something!" He said, smiling once more. _I wish I did,_ I thought to myself. "Was I really in there for that long?" I asked, realizing my voice was rough.

Phil gave a worried look, "Um, yeah. You were in there since Amy arrived. And it's 10 in the morning," He stated, giving a small and meek laugh. "You haven't even come out to eat! Come on, let's make some pancakes!" Phil said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me from out of my room. I accidentally yelped and pulled away from Phil.

Phil genuinely jumped when I yelped. _Great job, Dan!_ I thought, looking at Phil. "W-What did I do?" He worriedly asked. I quickly shook my head, "Nothing! I was just surprised is all!" I replied. That didn't stop Phil from stealing a glance at my hand. I followed his gaze and saw that I had forgotten to wash off the blood.

Regrettably, I looked back at Phil, "I had a massive nosebleed last night. I, uh, forgot to wash it off," I said, rubbing at the dried blood. "I'll just go wash it off," I said, cutting Phil off before he could say anything. Before Phil could stop me, I scurried to the bathroom, locking the door as I closed it.

I hurriedly turned on the tap at full force and vigorously scrubbed at my hands and wrist. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, __**fuck!**_ How can I play this off? It was a lot of blood! Once my hands were back to its normal color, I deeply sighed and leaned against the wall, leaving the tap on. I ran my hands through my hobbit hair and sighed once more.

Shutting off the tap, I unlocked the door and left the bathroom. Phil was no longer in front of my bedroom door anymore. Instead, he was in my room. I felt my heart drop. _Oh…__**fuck**__ no…_I thought, feeling my heart begin to race. Me being my stupid self, I forgot to hide the sheets! Great! I felt my breathing getting faster and my mind began racing. I tried calming myself. Perhaps Phil bought the whole nosebleed thing!

After taking many deep breaths and calming down slightly, I walked into my room, seeing Phil standing over my bed, horrified. Phil looked directly at my once I stepped in. I did my best to remain emotionless. If I began stuttering and explaining myself, Phil would know I would be lying. Instead I looked at the sheets, "Yeah. I told you, I have a massive nosebleed," I casually said, walking in to get my phone.

"Did you want to make those pancakes or not?" I asked, unlocking it and pretending to scroll through Twitter. In response, Phil turned his full body towards me. _Fuck._ "This did not come from one nosebleed overnight," Phil said rather quietly. I nodded, hiding my nervousness. "Um, yeah it did. I practically rubbed my nose all over my sheets!" I said, laughing softly.

Phil stayed quiet. I broke the silence by walking out of the room, "I'll be in the kitchen waiting!" I called over my shoulder.

**Phil's POV**

He lied to me…right? I didn't know what to believe, honestly. Dan wasn't himself anymore. Oddly enough, it started to show when Amy started coming over. I sighed as I looked at the blood stained sheets once more. Lying or not, I am not leaving him out of my sight. If he is…hurting himself, he needs to stop. And I will not stand idly by while he nearly kills himself. I love Dan…as a friend? I shook my head and walked out to the kitchen where Dan was.

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Heeeey~ So I'm thinking about trying this whole personal POV thing rather than 3rd person. Lemme know what you think. Should I keep the 3rd person or do the 1st person POV?  
Anywhhooo, yeah. Thank you for the follows and the review!~

i tired with this chapter i really did ;w;  
/rolls away


	3. Decisions

**Dan's POV**

_I absolutely need to play this safe…Do not take off the jumper for whatever reason and do not make it obvious._ My mind raced as I calmly walked to the kitchen. Phil was obviously getting suspicious and I needed to drive Phil's attention away from myself, as much as I hated it. I really liked Phil. The last thing he needed was something to worry about. Something self-loathing and selfish. Myself.

I absentmindedly began to gather the ingredients for pancakes and sat myself down on the chairs, waiting for Phil. What in the world was he doing that would take him so long? Was he looking through my drawers? Under my bed, perhaps? I began to get nervous, although I knew where my blades really were.

My worry faded once Phil walked into the living room. "Finally," I said, giving a seemingly real smile. I did my best to not show my inner sadness. After months and months of trying, I had finally perfected lying to people about my happiness. It wasn't any of their business, anyways.

"So…You had a nosebleed, huh?" Phil asked, walking to the kitchen and not looking at me. _Fuck have I really messed things up? Way to go, Dan! All you ever do is fuck things up. Now Phil will find out and he'll be mad at me and possibly never talk to me again! _All my mind did was have these horrible thoughts. I simply replied, "Yeah, it was pretty bad. You should've seen it," Another lie. It was another lie to the person who deserved it the least.

Phil turned around and gave a small smile. I took in his appearance. He was obviously still in clothes from last night. His blue eyes were clouded with obvious worry, but they were still beautiful. I felt a sudden heartbreak. Phil was straight. He had a girlfriend. And he would never love the depressed flatmate.

I wanted so badly to cry at that moment. I couldn't, though. It would worry Phil. Instead I stood up and walked to the kitchen, facing the one I have liked for a long time. "Are we gonna make pancakes or what?" I enthusiastically asked, hiding my sworrow.

**Phil's POV**

I looked at Dan, sitting on the couch. I was observing him. He had his hobbit hair, which I personally loved about him. He looked tired, though. What was wrong with him? Was it something I did? Was it Amy? I had kept my smile, but I couldn't help but think and worry about Dan. Has he always been this way and I was too caught up in my own love life to notice?

A sudden thought hit me. This was the first time they've make pancakes together, alone. A majority of the times, it was with Amy, P.J., or Chris being with us. It was mainly Amy, though.

I watched as Dan got off of the couch and walked towards me in the kitchen. "Are we gonna make pancakes or what?" He asked. I noticed it this time. He sounded tired. Underneath the fake enthusiasm, there was exhaustion in his voice. A strange pain hit my heart. I ignored it all this time. Any other times, I could've stopped him and listened to his voice. I had to help. I had to make things right.

"Are you sad because we don't hang out as much anymore? Alone, I mean," I suddenly asked, regretting the sudden words almost immediately.

Dan looked taken aback. He was quiet, as if thinking of something to say. After a long, piercing moment of silence, he finally spoke and said, "Wh-What? No…We spend a reasonable amount of time with each other…" He replied, picking at his jumper. I shook my head. "Dan, please, tell me the truth. I don't want you to feel like I'm ignoring you," I said, feeling desperate now. "Where's all of this coming from?" He asked, looking uncomfortable.

_It's pretty obvious it was __**not**__ a nosebleed. He's wearing that…that damned jumper all the time when I'm in the flat._ I thought, feeling both guilty and worried. _If I don't approach him about this now, he'll only get worse._ I finally thought.

"That wasn't a nosebleed, Dan…I know…It was something more," I began, leaning against the kitchen counters. "And…I don't…if you're doing what I think you're doing, please, _stop._" I wanted to cry a bit, but I had to stay strong right now. Crying would only make matters worse.

**Dan's POV**

I froze and tensed slightly when I heard Phil tell me it wasn't a nosebleed. I couldn't let him find out! He would hate me and just kick me out of the flat and never talk to me!

"And…I don't…if you're doing what I think you're doing, please, _stop._" I felt horrible when Phil spoke these words. He probably hadn't noticed it, but his voice shook towards the end. However, me and my _idiot _mind was determined to keep up this lie.

"Phil…I honestly have no idea what you're going on about…"I murmured, attempting to look Phil in the eyes. I regretted looking into his beautiful eyes because there, I was tears threatening to fall. At that moment, I started to believe he did care. But he didn't. I knew it was the truth. As much as I loved Phil, I thought that he would never love me back and that he would never care. Nobody else cared, anyways. All of those other people turned out to be successful, and smart. Phil was amazing, smart and beautiful. Phil was more than I could ever be.

Phil walked towards me, sighing, "Dan, _please!_ If you care about me you would tell me what's on your mind!" He asked, standing close to me. I blinked, not knowing what to say. I did care about Phil, a lot. More than he would ever know, actually. But I wasn't ready for this conversation. It was too hard. I know I would cry and breakdown. That was something I avoided doing in front of anyone, even Phil. The last time I remember breaking down in front of Phil was when I was worrying about my future.

Right when I was about to say something to Phil, someone had knocked on the door. I didn't know whether to be annoyed or relieved at this. Phil had sighed and looked me in the eyes, "This conversation is not over," He then walked off to see who was here.

**Phil's POV**

I had realized Dan was about to say something. Whoever was at the door had better be more important than the Queen if they were to interrupt their conversation. I quickly opened the door. I mentally sighed. It was Amy.

"Oh, Amy. Hey again!" I said a bit confused. "I thought you said you were going home," I stated, leaning against the door frame. She nodded and gave a smile, "I was! But then I realized I had forgotten my coat here," She said, trying to get into the flat. I reluctantly shook my head, "I'm sorry, Amy, but Dan and I are having a conversation about something important."

She frowned, crossing her arms, "Honestly, aren't I more important than Dan? All he does is stay in his room all day and he _never_ comes out of his room when I'm around!" She huffed. I blinked, feeling a bit hurt. Dan was my best friend.

"Um…Amy, Dan is my best friend, if you have forgotten. I love you, but he also comes first along with you." I said, looking at her in disbelief. She rolled her eyes, "You worry about him too much! He's just alone in his room, no big deal! Whatever you two are talking about can wait." I had never realized how…rude she was towards Dan.

I looked down, thinking. What was I supposed to do? I loved Amy so much. We've had so much fun in the past 9 months. But Dan was my best friend. We've had so much fun as well.

"It's me or him, Phillip. I am tired of your constant worrying about Dan when I am here." She stated, sighing and staring at him.

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eeeeh sorry for the late update! I've been so busy with school essays and my grades. :c but i finally had the time to update.~  
wOW the reviews! I never expected to get such nice reviews! ;A; Thank you all~ and yes GingerTips i love my shirt as well =u=

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. ;w; I tried and I can only hope the best.  
wellp its late and i need to get up early sooo, bye~


	4. Is It My Fault?

**Phil's POV**

I was not choosing Amy over Dan. They both meant a lot to me! I was so conflicted. With Dan acting strange, I constantly had my mind on him and might have been neglecting Amy just a bit. But honestly, what was I supposed to? Dan was my best friend and flatmate. I want him to be happy and carefree, just as he was not too long ago. On the other hand, Amy was my girlfriend. To be honest, it didn't feel like much. I did like Amy, a lot. But what was it that Dan hated about her? _I need some time to think this over._ I finally decided.

"Amy, please, I promise to talk to you _after _I talk to Dan. He's been acting…strange. As if he doesn't care anymore. I can tell he's not as happy as before…please, let me talk to him and I will talk to you _afterwards_," I practically pleaded to Amy. "You do mean a lot to me, and you know that. And I am sorry, but Dan's mental health comes first. We can meet up for coffee later," I offered, subconsciously scratched the back of my head and stared at the ground. Making eye contact with Amy during serious conversations was difficult for me.

I heard Amy heavily sigh. "Fine. Go help out your depressed flatmate," She snapped, rushing down the hall. I felt a bit of anger. Since when has Amy been like this? I pushed it to the back of my mind. _I need to focus on Dan right now._ I thought, closing the door and walking back to where I had left Dan.

I stopped once I saw Dan sitting cross-legged on the couch, examining something on his arm. As always, Dan would always zone out and lose his focus on everything. This made it easy for me to quietly sneak over to him and peek over his shoulder. My jaw dropped. What I saw horrified me. There, upon his pale, smooth skin, were dozens upon dozens of scars on his wrists and arm. The scars that I had seen were both recent and faded. Nevertheless, there were too many. Thoughts flew endlessly through my head. _How could he do this to himself? Why would he do this to himself? Why has he made his perfect skin scarred? Is it my fault? Is someone harassing him?_

I decided I had been quiet for too long. Me ignoring him had obviously caused this! I needed to speak up. I needed to fix what I had potentially caused. But I knew calling him out on this and telling him this was not okay was not the way to go. I knew what I needed to do.

Without saying a word, I walked around the couch and pulled a startled looking Dan into a long and meaningful hug. Dan was motionless for a while. I feared that I had done something wrong. I was afraid he would pull away and yell that nothing was wrong. I was afraid of him shutting me off and never letting me in. I feared many things. Instead of even giving Dan the slightest chance of getting loose, I hugged him just a bit tighter.

"I had no idea. Did I cause those…scars?" I asked, still embracing him. After a few seconds of pure silence, I felt him shake in my arms and I heard quiet sobs escaping. He had finally started to hug me back, yet he hasn't told me if it was my fault. "Dan?" I whispered. After a few sobs escaped from him, I could feel his head shaking vigorously. "N-No, Phil. don't…Don't say that," He managed to say.

I felt him leave my embrace. I admit, I was a bit disappointed, but he didn't run off like I expected him to do. Instead he was looking at the ground, wiping at the hot tears streaming down his perfect face. I hated seeing his eyes fill up with tears. Granted, he rarely cried in front of me. But every time he did, it killed me.

I led him to the big couch and sat him down next to me. "Dan, can you please tell me what's wrong? You should know I absolutely hate seeing you like this," I said, feeling some tears threatening to fall. For a second, it looked as if Dan had something to say. But he shook his head and focused on his hands. "I can't," He quietly mumbled. "You can't, or you won't?" I asked, blinking away the tears. I can't cry now. I have to be strong. For Dan, at least. As I would expect, Dan didn't answer me.

Instead of prying even more, I joined him in silence.

After a short 5 minutes of silence, I asked, "Why?"

Dan sighed, and looked at the couch, away from my eyes. "Do you _honestly_ want to know, Phil?" He quietly asked. I could tell he was already tired, even though it was still morning. But I felt a bit of hope. "Yes, I honestly do. You know I hate seeing you like this. Whenever you shut me or anyone else out, I worry about you," I said, also looking away.

**Dan's POV**

Endless thoughts racked my brain. Telling Phil the truth would completely ruin their friendship. If I would tell him how I felt about him having a girlfriend and that I really liked him, he wouldn't look at me the same way anymore. He would see me as the gay friend. He would be afraid to even hang out with me anymore. He would go with Amy more often every day.

On the other hand, if I didn't tell him, I'd basically be killing myself over this. Eventually, I would snap and possibly either kill myself or tell him. I was tired of being sad. But it just kept coming back and I would think the absolute worst of all situations. If I did this, it would be a huge risk. At the moment, it was a risk I was willing to take. I wanted to feel better. _Maybe if I do this…I would be happier, in a way…_ I finally decided.

"Phil...Please…what I'm about to tell you…Just…don't look at me differently. Please," I pleaded in a small voice. I could see Phil look confused for half a second. He did nod, though. I took a deep breath. _How can I word this? Wait am I actually doing this? I can't believe I'm risking everything! What if I fuck it up? What am I gonna do then? _I genuinely felt afraid.

"Phil…I really, really like you…Not in the 'best friend' way. No…its deeper than that. You make me feel happy. But lately, I've been letting my sadness get the best of me. I…I don't know why. It's just…whenever I look at you, I feel extreme sadness. Whenever I see you and Amy hanging out and kissing right in _front of me_ I feel even worse! I-I don't _want_ to feel this way. It just happened! I…I like you Phil. So much…I started cutting to numb myself from it all. It worked. But only for a while. Then I would see it all again; you holding her and you just…loving her," I felt tears burning in my eyes, but I continued, "I don't mean to sound selfish! I- I just I like you Phil!" I finally finished, looking at him for once in a while.

There was just nothing shown on his face. No surprise, no disgust, no fear, nothing. It only scared me more, though. _Oh no. What have I done? I've ruined it all! _I thought, letting the tears fall. "P-Phil?" I shakily asked. He was only quiet.

"I-I need to think this over…" I heard Phil mutter, as he got up from the couch and fast-walked to his room. I felt my heart completely shatter. I then broke into a huge, but quiet, sobbing fit. _Now I've done it. I completely ruined everything. I lost my only best friend and my crush. I always just have to fuck everything up, don't I? That's all I ever do…_ My thoughts reeled back in and completely overflowed my whole mind.

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uuugh i am so so so so sossososososoososoooo sorry! :c I really am! ugh I am so sorry this took a while to post.

I have reasons tho; i started feeling really down since the beginning of this week and I felt like doing absolutely nothing. So I kind of slacked it. i'm feeling a bit better but ugh i'm sorry ;w;

to make up for it, I might make the next chapter longer!  
again, sorry guys! I really am! :c


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